Having large breasts is considered a desirable asset in this world plagued by the male gaze. Hey, I’m pro titty, so I’m in support of flaunting whatever you’ve got. However, most of us folk who are “blessed in the chest” know that they are often more trouble than they’re worth.
There are many different breast shapes and sizes out there and they all live on different beautiful body types. The average bra size in the US is quoted to be 34DD by most sources which puts quite a bit of women in the category of people that might relate to these struggles. Basically, if you’ve ever had to ask yourself “what is a uniboob?”, you’re in the right place.
Boobs pretty much serve no purpose (outside of producing milk, which many people never choose to experience, anyway) yet they take up a lot of space—figuratively and literally. They’re easy to complain about, and that’s exactly what we’re here to do today.
Here are some common struggles us folks with large breasts face:
1. YOU MAKE PEAPLE FORGET IT'S IMPOLITE TO STARE
It really seems that when the titties come out, that’s all people can see. It isn’t even inherently sexual a lot of the time! There are looks of appreciation or jealousy from other boobed folks and, my favorite, the shocked and slightly judgemental gapes of older ladies. Yet, even when your boobs scandalize them, they can never seem to look away.
2. CERTAIN DRESSES ARE IMPOSSIBLE
Your big breasts can definitely do a good job of filling out a low neckline in a dress. However, it takes a lot of effort to find one that really makes those titties pop—and not pop out. Dresses with plunge backs tend not to work if you can’t go braless. A lot of dresses will also fit you perfectly everywhere but the chest area, like the 1960s dress I encountered at a vintage shop years ago. The struggle is real—I’m still in mourning for that perfect dress.
3. BIKINIS THAT COME IN A SET ARE A JOKE
Anything that comes in a set that’s meant to fit your body on both your top and bottom halves is, frankly, an insult to anyone with larger breasts. We may have a lot going on in terms of cleavage, but some of us don’t have the booty to match. And vice versa! Standard sizing is an all-around sham (for any body, really), but not allowing you to pick your own size for your bikini top and bottom is downright petty! Do you hear me, brands?
4. YOUR CLEAVAGE IS A CRUMB COLLECTION ZONE
This seems like an insignificant annoyance, but with the amount of times it has happened to me, I have to believe that the rest of y’all can relate! I mean, have you ever eaten a sandwich in a low cut top? Your large breasts form a canyon that’s eager to collect all the food that escapes. And then you have to act as an explorer to your own boob cave system to retrieve it. It’s a foolproof recipe for looking really graceful in public!
5. YOU STRUGGLE WITH BACK PAIN
Large breasts are often associated with a host of neck and shoulder pains as well as posture issues. You’ve got some extra weight to carry, after all, so of course it affects the muscles in your body that are responsible for holding you up. While there is no definitive correlation that big breasts cause more back pain, those of us who’ve got them can confirm that on our own. If you have very large boobs, you might have even considered going under the knife for a breast reduction. The pain and inconvenience can be that bad!
6 YOU STRUGGLE WITH BREAST TENDERNESS
My smaller breasted folks aren’t immune to breast tenderness. It most commonly occurs during your menstrual cycle. Outside of that, breast tenderness can hint at underlying medical issues, but it can also just be a result of having large breasts. So fun! Larger boobies are more likely to put strain on the connective tissues that give your breasts their shape, which can result in pain or tenderness.
7. THE BOUNCE IS THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION
All the big titty queens know that there’s no way on this earth that you can exercise without a really good sports bra. And even if you’ve got one, sometimes the bounce still gets the best of you. Now, I don’t run and I’m sending my thoughts to all the large breast girlies who do because I’d lose my mind! I can barely do yoga without getting slapped in the face by the boulders. Even a moderate walk requires me to strap into one of my heavy-duty hiking bras.
8. YOUR BOOB SWEAT COULD RIVAL A SMALL LAKE
Everyone deals with a little bit of boob sweat, especially during the warmer months. If you’ve got large breasts, however, boob sweat is a whole bigger issue. Doing a hike on a sunny day to see some waterfalls? By the time you get there you’ll be challenging those waterfalls with your own underboob falls.
9. YOU WITNESS THE MOST FERAL BEHAVIOR
All women and femme folks deal with a bit of good old catcalling and harassment. However, the second you choose to show a little cleavage it ramps up. It’s like the moment that your boobs are free to breathe air they start a siren song that entices men to make even grosser comments. What is up with that, dudes?!
10. LAYING ON YOUR STOMACH IS NOT AN OPTION
Have you ever gotten excited to get a massage and actually relax—until you realize that involves laying on your stomach? The beach is the only viable place for getting some tummy time, because you can conveniently dig some holes and make space for the ladies. Every other surface is pretty much only good for laying on your side or going full dracula on your back.
11. YOU CAN'T GO BRALESS
Let’s be real—Bras can be totally annoying. The whole of the bra-wearing population can agree with that. But, much of the bra wearing population has an out—they can always opt out. Why? Because they have cherries bopping on their chests where we’ve got swinging melons. If you choose to go braless with those melons, a lot of the previous struggles I mentioned will come at you full force. The boob sweat, back pain, and breast tenderness alone are enough to keep me from exercising my right to free the titty.
12. BRALETTES? WHAT ARE THOSE?
Okay, so there are some good bralette for large bust options out there but even when they’re cute and functional they’re not as enticing as the multitude of options available to our friends with smaller titties. Those frilly, delicate scraps of fabric meant to decorate your boobies? Yeah, those are not for you. You get to choose between black, beige, and white, and you only get lace if you’re really lucky.
13. PEOPLE ASSUME YOU'RE DUMB
We have a general societal problem of judging women based on their bodies and how they dress them! If you have large breasts you’re likely used to being sexualized. And when your body is seen in a sexual light, people (ahem, largely men) assume that it’s your only asset. Apparently, the bigger your boobs, the emptier your brain is.
HOW TO ALLEVIATE LARGE BREAST STRUGGLES
Sometimes there’s just nothing you can do to get rid of the things that annoy you about your big titties, short of chopping them off. A lot of the issues with having large breast also happen to be external. Let’s face it, big titties will always equal big problems. However! There are some steps you can take to lessen the burden and enjoy your boobies more.
Invest in a cozy, unlined bra: Going braless may not be an option for you but there are other bra alternatives out there for the days when a bra feels like an unnecessary evil. Getting a soft racerback bralette made out of hemp is the nicest treat you can give yourself. Not only will it support you without suffocating you, it'll also help alleviate boob sweat through its breathable and antibacterial properties!
Get a heating pad or cushion: The pains that come with having large breasts are real. Especially if you dare to defy logic like I do and insist that you can indeed go braless in a pretty dress like all the A-cup cuties. Sure you can do it (and you’ll look banging), but you’ll feel it at the end of the day. Get yourself a soothing heating pad to place on your back once the consequences catch up to you.
Learn how to disconnect people’s comments from your own body image: Easier said than done, I know, but hear me out. I spent most of my teenage years feeling ashamed of my body because I felt so oversexualized at every step. It took me many years to realize that how people look at me is their problem. How you dress, and your intention behind it, is your own damn business.
VERY LARGE BOOBS HAVE VERY LARGE BENEFITS
At the end of the day, big boobies have the potential for big fun. Don’t tell me you’ve never squeezed your own titty for fun like a stress ball whilst lounging around watching tv. Just me? Ahem, moving on. My point still stands—here’s a lot to love about big breasts, even if they’re a literal pain a lot of the time.
How hard did you relate to these struggles? Is there any huge issue you think I missed? Go on, feel free to complain in the comments but give me at least one reason why you love your big boobies while you’re at it!